So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
