I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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