im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
