Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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