my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
