Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
