So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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