Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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