There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
