Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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