my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
