Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
