We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
