he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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