While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
