I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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