I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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