It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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