Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
