you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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