Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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