How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
