I was born with a shot glass in my hand
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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