It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
