I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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