Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap