if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.