Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood