I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
