I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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