Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
