Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
