bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
