i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
