so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
