Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
