I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
