i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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