Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
