i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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