Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
