just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So squirting runs in the family.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
