There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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