I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Found the puke drawer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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