And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
