dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
