Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
