He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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