so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
