I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
