if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
