i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
