How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
