Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
