if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
