so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
