You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
