woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
