i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
