I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
