My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
