I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
50% drunk capacity currently
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
