its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
